Fellow Queens,

 

Being squeamish over teeth is yet another item in the long line of things that used to gross me out before I had the boys. There are others –vomit, small rodents –but the teeth thing was pretty high up on the list. Not so much anymore.

 

Prince Tim, the oldest at 15, has never had a cavity. But his mouth looked absolutely canine in its alignment. His braces will come off in the next two months and I have a congratulatory bag of Kraft caramels waiting in the pantry. Whenever he makes noise about us getting a junker car for him to drive in the next few years (Gads, it is really in the next few months. Just let me live in my denial a little longer) I just tell him to look in the mirror and smile. Those metallic choo choo tracks of straightness represent any thoughts of purchasing another vehicle for our castle. I just tell him that with teeth so straight he will be able to flash those pearly whites and get a ride anywhere. Mmmm. Yeah.

 

About two years ago our dentist reported that Prince Matthew had four cavities in his baby teeth that needed to be filled. Oh, joy. Now I am ashamed to admit this but, wait, let me adjust my sash that proclaims me as ‘Worlds Worst Mother’, but I didn’t quite get him back for that appointment. So last week when we went back – Presto! Those rotten baby teeth had fallen out. I’m sure the money saved there just went over to the orthodontist.

Then there is the conversation I had with Prince Christopher yesterday. “You lied to me, Mommy,” he starts.

“Really? About what, my sweetness and light?”

“You said I would lose a tooth when I’m six, and I haven’t and you are a liar.”

“Are ya still six, sweetie? Huh? Are ya? I believe you will be seven in October so that gives you about seven months to lose a tooth the old fashioned way. Or you can keep calling me a liar and you can lose one now. What’s it gonna be?”

“Oh yeah, I’m still six. I’m sorry, Mommy.”

“That’s okay, babe.”

“Hey Mommy, you have never lied to me, have you?”

“Not that you know of, darling.”

So with all my mom experience the tooth squeam factor isn’t what it used to be. But the people who think a smiling cartoon tooth with its roots as legs is cute probably think all kids like clowns too.

 

Reign On!

Queen Linda