Fellow Queens!

I babysat my nephews, ages 3 and 6, this week. A house of 6 boys, and yes, I am counting my hubby. Now let me say upfront that they really are sweethearts... most of the time .... some of the time. Let's just settle on 20% of the time - the 20% they are sleeping.

The Nephew Diaries

Day 1

I am watching my little nephews this week. 

Today the 6 year old calls me a 'doody head'

"What?" I say. "Do you even know what that means?"

"Ummm. Yeah, its something like a boy, or something."

"No dearest, doody head is like calling me a poop head. Doody kind of means 'poop.'

"Oh, you mean like sh** and crap?"

And then later - "Aunt Linda, do you have a baby in your tummy? Cause you look like you do."

They are here until Sunday, pray for me.

 

Day 2

How could something so good go so bad?

The day started out fine. I kicked open the door to their bedroom at 6:30 and they fell in step with my two youngest. (The first kid was at swim practice. I drove him there. At 5:30 am. Nuf said) They had breakfast, got dressed, jumped in the car and off we went to drop my two at school 

All was well until after lunch when I decided to venture outside with them. 

At the grocery store the little one starts swinging like Olga Korbut on the steel bars that run alongside the register.  After I tell him not to he decides to focus his attention on the claw game at the front of the store. He pushes by the little old lady in front of us practically pinning her to the counter and gets a face full of her fur coat. She spins around and glares at him like Cruella DeVil.  I take his arm, spin him around and tell him, "Say 'excuse me' Liam." "Squeeze me." One would think that the mink maven would have been impressed with the manners lesson, but no. She glares at me until I sputter, "Hell, those kids aren't even mine." To which she icily replied, "Aren't you lucky."

I drag them away from the claw machine and into the parking lot.  As we are walking past the car parked next to ours Liam must have decided that he wanted the attention of the older gentleman sitting in the passenger seat. WHAM! I turn around and this kid had slammed his open hand on the guy's window. The guy jumped like he was hit by a taser. I just know he was waiting for his wife while she picked up his heart meds.

As we peeled out of the parking lot I decided for the sake of the fair people of Dallas that I would not take them to the library.

Now my kids are home. They are all in the TV room playing Rock Band on the Play-whatever my nephews brought with them. And yes I realize that they are now armed with drumsticks.  My 7 year old keeps yelling at 3 year old Liam. Collin is singing along to "Psycho Killer" by The Talking Heads. One is slamming on the drums like it is a chicken breast he wants to saute for dinner. I'm sure the resulting noise will be the soundtrack to tonight's nightmares.

My oldest is hiding in his room. 

I hope he opens the door and lets me in.

 

Day 3

I awake to the sound of gunfire and screaming.

As I lay in my toasty bed I can hear the two militia men with their harmless (I checked) guns re-enacting the battle of the Bulge. Hmm. Just like me. 

Anyway, they had a cease fire long enough for a bowl of Coco Puffs, yes I am aware of the sugar content, and are now plugged in. I'm going to get a shower and let them loose on the street in front of George Bush's new house. 

Let secret service deal with them.  

 

Day 3 continued

So we went to the Bush’s house. I took pictures of the boys on the curb. Then they moved up the steps to officially be on his property. Then the little one noticed the stones in between the big landscaping concrete squares. Being a boy he picks one up and tries to throw it at George’s new front door. Got pictures of that too. We weren’t apprehended by any security personel. I guess rocks and shoes are okay to throw. 

 

Day 4

Today I realized that the boys were getting used to me and my implementation of Aunt Linda Law. When I told them to do something and they said “Why?” they would then remember their reality and say, “Oh yeah, because you said so.” 

 

Day 5

I haul all 5 boys up to my sister’s house, ending my time as nephew wrangler/prison warden.  I don’t know who was more thrilled to see my brother, them or me. When it was time to say goodbye I told them that I loved them and they were welcome back anytime. And I meant it. Really. They are sweet boys, I’m just not used to dealing with 3 and 6 year olds. Not to mention juggling my three and their schedules.  

My brother called to say they made it home safely. The trip was uneventful accept for when Liam choked on a straw and hurled 10 chicken nuggets all over the back seat.  

Glad that didn’t happen on my watch.

Reign On!
Queen Linda