Fellow Queens!
Spring Break is coming and a lot of families will head out of town for a well deserved va-cay.
The last time I flew with my children they cut holes in the bottom of the barf bags and put them back in the seat pocket. When my oldest was a toddler he got into his seat and immediately employed the protester stance, arching his back and making his body as still as a board. He was holding up take off because I couldn’t get his safety belt on. I resorted to giving him a karate chop to the gut to get him settled. I truly think that due to the kid's antics we are on several no-fly lists.
So into the car we go.
Here’s my question: is there a way to be trapped for half a day in a minivan hurtling down the highway at 70 mph without throwing yourself out the door because the kids have upped their game of ‘slug bug’ to giving each other concussions?
I am still recovering from the Christmas road trip. We traveled 10 hours each way to see relatives. Oh joy. I don’t remember any of the drive there because I used my own survival technique. Try this one, I highly recommend it. Take two Ambien the moment you snap that seat belt. Just make sure Hubby understands that you will NOT be driving a shift. This Spring break however I would like my children’s memories of our idyllic road trip to not involve watching mommy drool all over her sweater. But if you decide to dabble in pharmaceuticals remember, Children’s Nyquil is a beautiful thing.
All the experts say the playing games is one way of entertaining your little darlings.
We play Count the Road Kill. Sick, but think of it as an extension of the Discovery Channel.
Get carbonated drinks at a rest stop and have a burping contest for the next few miles. You must participate. Nothing like reaffirming your status as a cool parent by letting one rip.
Playing the ‘Quiet Game’ doesn’t work for us. After a few seconds in one kid will punch another. When the offended party screams in pain the other screams, “HA! You’re out!”
Last year none of my friends talked me out of a solo trip with the boys to Washington D.C. Isn’t that what your friends are for? To talk you off the ledge? Anyway, here are the top 10 things I learned on that Spring Break road trip with the boys. Feel free to use them on your upcoming trip:
#10 - Truck stop coffee is de-lish if you chase it with a hand full of plain M&Ms.
#9 - The rallying cry of the third child is, "I want an Ipod too!!!"
#8 - After a few days that Dairy Queen blizzard that was left in the back seat cup holder really starts to stink.
#7 - Your four-year-old will express his immediate and urgent need for the potty as you pull into the far left HOV lane during rush hour.
#6 - All Gameboy batteries will die within the first hour of the trip.
#5 - Legos are not a car trip friendly activity.
#4 - The kids will fall asleep as soon as you arrive at your destination.
#3 - A curving road and a reading boy do not mix.
#2 - When you see cows, roll down the window and scream, “MOOOOOO!” Always sure to embarrass.
#1 - There's nothing like a road trip to re-affirm how funny, sweet and all-boy my kids are. Really. They shared toys, laughed at each others lame jokes and rolled their eyes while I sang along with the radio.
It almost makes you want to get truck stop coffee more often.
Reign On!
Queen Linda
