stupid boys doing stupid things

There are times in your life when you wished someone had warned you. Like when you asked your friends what labor is really like. But then again all of those conversations start with, “I don’t want to scare you, but…”

Well, here I am, fulfilling my Queenly responsibilities; I don’t want to scare you…but.

Last Saturday (Yes, I am the meanest mother in the world because I only let them turn on the tube on the weekends) I was walking through the TV room and asked 11 year old Prince Matthew what he was watching. “World’s Most Amazing Videos.” “Really? Cool!” said I. “I hope they have some really amazing pet videos. Like that one where you could swear that cat was saying ‘hot dog!’”

Um, no.

This episode, Maniacs Out of Control, was a compilation of absolutely stupid boys doing indescribably stupid things. First up was Crazy Mike’s attempt to do a back flip of a soda vending machine. Since his first attempt resulted in a concussion he practiced for a year –a year! - and was set to try it again. He says, “I’ll either be in a really happy or really regretful state of mind after this.” Which do you think he was? That’s right, a broken foot, knee and multiple facial fractures later as the paramedics prepare to transport him to the hospital he moans, “I regret it a lot. I told you outright I was going to.” I wonder how long it took to get kicked off his parent’s health insurance policy.

Another bright light in the universe let his buddies shoot 200 paint balls from their semi automatic guns at him. The paint balls, hitting him at 170 mph, left permanent scars but hey, a bet is a bet. And he won. So his friends owe him a burrito.

A way better show is Unbeatable Banzuke. It has the most incredible athletes trying to complete impossible obstacle courses. The best part is the Japanese commentator. He works himself up into such a frenzy it is hilarious. Reading the English subtitles, “Staying on a suspension bridge while being on stilts is extremely difficult!” is great fun.

It kind of makes you yearn for the days when the only dangerous show was Sesame Street simply because listening to Elmo would make you unstable.

Reign On!

Queen Linda