Friday, April 24, 2009

I am officially the coolest mom in the world.

Last year I took my oldest, Tim. It was 12 hours of piercing alternative rock. I watched him singing along from the floor by the stage, while I sat in the safety of my seat reading my book club book while my earplugs semi worked. At the end of every two or three songs I would look up and give a ‘whoo hoo’ and then go back to my book. But I did body surf towards the end of the evening adding another experience to my Things I Have Done But Never Thought I Would list.

So this past Monday tickets for the October U2 concert went on sale at 10 am. Now anyone who has ever tried to log on to Ticketmaster to buy seats gets trapped in the world of wait time and site crashing. I decided to call Ticketmaster at 9:57. I reach an operator with absolutely no sense of humor. I asked him some questions already knew the answer to and then wound around to, “So if I get tickets would you like to go to the concert with me?” A little bit of flattery couldn’t hurt. “Uh, no,” he flatly replied. “That would be unprofessional.” His loss. “So can I buy tickets now?” I vamped. “My computer says that it is 9:59 and they don’t go on sale until 10.” “So,” I purred. “What do you want to talk about?” Miraculously he didn’t hang up on me and I was able to place an order for 8 tickets. 4 for my crew, (I don’t think the 7 year old is up to it, but the middle kid will be 13 by then) and I’m scalping, I mean offering, the other tickets on Craig’s list. When Tim found out about my ticket score he sufficiantly bowed and scraped. I can get him to do anything around the house now and rest assured I will hold this over his head forever.

Middle kid Mattthew had the 7th grade trip to Austin this Friday. He wanted to go to Albertsons to get candy for the trip. On Tuesday. And again on Thursday. I let him. If only this kid would pay the same amount of attention to schoolwork as his does to his candy addiction he would get straight A’s. I’m sure he is going to throw up technicolor Skittles about halfway to the capital.

The 1st grade is in the thick of their rainforest unit in science. I told the teacher that I have a boa constrictor connection. Of course I do. But before my neighbor and his seven foot long slithery pet come to class next week I figured I should maybe have a test drive to see if the thing would bite a kid or more importantly me. So he brought the snake out to the front yard and I bravely asked to be draped with it like Brittney Spears.  The snake was fine, kind of tickly, and kid friendly. It’s good to know I can handle it. Sometimes I feel invisible in a house full of boys and have dreamed of cooking dinner with a snake wrapped around my neck to see how long it would take them to notice. 

So there you go. Proof that I am the greatest mom in the world.


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