Fellow Queens!

How was your Fourth of July?

I hope you watered down your roof and didn’t visit the burn unit due to a stray bottle rocket.

Our neighborhood has a great parade on the 4th, complete with treats flung from floats, marching bands and beauty queens. Its a time for me to re-tell the boys the story of the birth of our country and commemorate this patriotic day by eating candy plucked from the gutter.

Now the reason I am sending this holiday address a bit late is because under no circumstances do I want to be responsible if your boys hack into your computer, read this and expand their pyrotechnic knowledge. 

There are tons of websites with info about your firestarters hobby. Here’s a goody -“The suburban fireworks master can create all manner of displays, from rockets and fountains to stars and sparklers. A good chemistry text, a set of instructions and a little cash to buy chemicals from supply houses is all that is needed, along with a little patience, care and safety.” Dear Lord. They do cop to making fireworks in the basement as ‘One of the most dangerous hobbies.” Duh.

I particularly like the AERIAL RAMPAGE SHELL KIT. It comes complete with road flares, fire extinguishers and safety glasses. Somehow I don’t think that one is a big seller. I love the names of all the $100+ packages of fireworks. RAIN OF FIRE, PYROTECHNIC MOTHERLODE and the JR. PYRO TOTE BAG ASSORTMENT are my favorites. Ladies, hide the Visa.

Here is an oldy but a goody boy vs. fire story from Queen Aimee of Clovis, California.

"My 13 year old and his friend tried to light each others farts on fire.  Well, they are starting to get hair down there and my son set his toushie on fire.  We had to take him to the doctor's office in his bathrobe because he could not even wear boxers.  The doctor was laughing so hard he had to leave the room."

Reign On!

Queen Linda