Sunday, March 25, 2012

My Poker Face

March 25, 2012
Fellow Queens,
There are few rites of passage that truly frighten as much as logging drive time with your teen prince.
One day last week when I picked him up at school Prince 15 year old asked if he could drive us home.
Now I knew this moment was coming but I wasn’t ready for it. My plan was to keep calm, never let him see me sweat and put on my best poker face. My mind said, “No. No. Noooooo!” while my lips said “Ahh. mmm. gak uh. okay.”
I got out, walked around my car and took my spot in the death seat. 
“Now, first put on your belt, adjust your mirror and move the seat back since Mommy is a dwarf compared to you.”
“Okay. And Mom, when I pull out of the parking lot I wanna text my friends to tell them I’m driving.”
Really? Really?
“Ha! Got ya Mom.”
“May I remind you young man, that driving is a privilage and not a right? Now get serious!”
As he drove I calculated how much my car insurance would go up if he ran into anything, prayed frantically to St. Christopher and wondered if I still had the auto shop’s number in my phone.
“Mom, relax!” he says.
“I’m fine,” I say, willing my right leg to not pump my imaginary brakes. 
“Can we go to Burger House for some fries?”
“Yes, but not the drive thru,” I said, imagining a scrape the length of the car. “Just go ahead and park.”
As he hops out of the car he asks, “Do you want anything?”
“Nope, not a thing.” Except for my pulse to slow down and the nausea to subside.
My phone dings and I have a text:  “Wow, you look scared to death riding with Matthew!”
It was one of my friends who had just passed us driving the other way. 
Nice poker face I’ve got. Vegas here I come.

1 comment:

joyce said...

when teaching our three sons to drive, I found out later that I left off the lecture about speed limit signs. my sons seem to think that speed limits are the required speed. One found out the hard was that a speed limit of 75 does not apply in ice conditions. Speed limits are not a goal.