Monday, September 12, 2016

The Gift That Keeps On Giving

Every year for the last 20 years I have made the same first day of school speech to my Princes’ teachers.
“Hi, I’m Linda, Tim/Matthew/Christopher’s mom. If there is a problem with my kiddo, please call me and we will work it out. You will never hear, “Not MY precious darling!” from me. I have your back. Teacher burnout is not because of the children, its because of the parents.”
Then they usually tear up and ask me if I will be the homeroom mom.
This year Prince #3 is starting high school. I know. How did that happen so quickly? I swear that just yesterday I was stepping on Legos and sweeping leftover Goldfish crackers into my mouth. Wait, I still do the Goldfish thing.
On the eve of the first day of school I sat him down and gave him this speech.
“Christopher, darling, light of my life, it is high school time. To celebrate this grand occasion I am giving you the gift of more autonomy. I will drive carpool when it is my turn, I will cheer for you at sporting events and I will write the huge #$&%ing tuition check every month. And that’s it. You are on your own. Mommy is tired.”
Last Tuesday we were put to the test.
I had to be at work at 8am. I walked out the front door to mount my awesome Tiffany blue scooter. I’m the one zooming around with the red lady bug helmet on. I am quite the site. Don’t run me over.
Up rolls the family we drive carpool with.
“Well, hi there,” I say. My brain spins. Is it my day to drive? Have I screwed up? How am I going to fit 2 kids on the back of Turk the Scooter? Wait, I only pick up, I never take them to school. What the hell?
“Is he in there?” I casually ask gesturing back towards the castle.
“I don’t know Linda. IS he in there?” For just a nanosecond I think this knowledge is something I should grasp but then dismiss it.
“Let me check.”
I saunter to the door before breaking into a quick run to the lost cavern of boy smell. I open the door and what a sight to behold. Snoring softly with his head nestled on his pillow is Mr. Freshman, completely oblivious to the productive world around him.
“Hey, Worm, your ride is here.”
“Huh, what? Uh. Oh crap!” Panic ensues.
“Not my circus, not my monkeys Mr. Man. I’m not going to be late. See ya!”
I rode off, slightly giggling and wondering if he made it there on time.
It has been really interesting to see the reactions of other moms when I tell them of that morning’s events. Some are aghast, some nod and consider this, most wish they were me. I leave them with this- “We aren’t doing these kids any favors by continuing to rescue them. I would rather them screw up now then try to learn these lessons at college when it is costing me tens of thousands.”
Can I get an Amen?
Reign On!
Queen Linda

3 comments:

Patrick said...

Tres bien

miki bone said...

Hahaha!! Love, Love, Love it! We moms of 3 or more children salute you!!

Sarah Brown said...

Much LOVE!!!! You did AWESOME!!!! I am sure he will be fine and survive and learn the lesson...or at least a couple of more times.