Sunday, June 8, 2008

Death Directives

Have I mentioned that I have, in my opinion, a very realistic view of death?

Last week Hubby had to have surgery for his mangled finger. On the way to the hospital I turn to him and say, “Okay, now for the hard questions.” Mind you, we have had this type of conversation before; I just want to cover my bases. “If the anesthesiologist screws up and you are in a coma on life support, what do you want me to do?”

“Uh…pull the plug.”

“Got it. How long do you want me to wait? You’ll look really good, so what, anyone who wants to drop by can come on in?”

“Uh, sure.”

“Now, cremation right? What do you want me to do with you?”

“Barbados.”

It’s where we spent our honeymoon. Whoever goes first gets their ashes spread there, whoever is left gets a vacation.

“Hey, ya know, I think some of you needs to be buried in ‘hallowed ground’ so any Catholic cemetery and then chuck the rest of you in the ocean, right?

“Sure.”

“Should I buy you the seat next to me on the plane or should you go in the overhead compartment? Traditional urn or nice box.”

“I don’t need my own seat. Just don’t check me, they’ll lose me. How about using a coffee can?”

“You don’t even drink coffee.
“So? Just use your best judgment.” Fool.

“How about a Pringles can like that guy who invented the design? When I first heard that story I thought they were making a coffin shaped like the can. Oh, I know! How about a Pace Picante jar?”

“Perfect.”

“Now afterward you want a party. At the house or in a restaurant?”

“I guess the house will be fine. We would have to hire someone to clean it though.”

“No worries. Now do you want a theme party? Like a pirate party? Maybe a piñata?”

“Hey, why don’t you put my ashes in the piñata?”

“No honey, that would be in bad taste,” he said as we pulled into the hospital parking lot.

As expected, he sailed through the surgery. Thank God for Dr. Tejan and the guy at the gas switch. None of our arrangements were put into action but it is good info to have.

Hard questions, but talk it over with your loved ones. You never know, they could have a service that would mortify you when you find out about it.

Then again, you can always haunt them.

1 comment:

Jonny's Mommy said...

That is so funny. My husband and I are like that a lot too. Such a weird sense of humor that other people would be horrified about.

Like I said...that is funny...