HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!

I hope your day is filled with:

Sweet toddler kisses or teen side hugs,

Burnt pancakes and a lunch without bugs. 

Homemade cards or long distance calls

All these things prove that you are adored.

And since we have more testosterone in our homes than an NFL locker room I, with your help, have composed this for our special day.

Reign On!

Queen Linda

Moms of boys know that their sons will:

Peddle off the roof on their BMX bikes into the swimming pool.

Never know where their other shoe is.

Whip off their pull up, throw it to the ceiling and dance in a shower of diaper gel pellets.

Be able to tell which brother farted by the smell alone.

Wipe boogers on the wall, paint with poo during their artistic brown period and extend their budding magic marker tattoo talents to the dog.

Start a phone call with, “Hey Mom. I’m okay but...” which will later make your car insurance go sky high because “That curb came out of nowhere!”

Play a game consisting of setting mouse traps on a chair and then sitting on them.  Whoever remains the most stoic wins.

Light their farts not realizing they are in the beginning throws of puberty resulting in an unfortunate hair singeing incident. They will then wear their bathrobe to the ER.

Have a contest to see how accurate their aim is by peeing into a cereal box set up in the driveway.

Leave crayons, army men, trading cards, coins, bugs and the occasional snotty kleenex in their pockets so you can find them in the dryer lint trap.

Have phone calls with their friends using only monosyllables and grunts.

Insist on wearing their super hero costume for weeks, never change socks and practice the sniff-and-wear approach to dressing.

Poop in the display potty at Home Depot.

Decorate the kitchen floor with peanut butter, BBQ sauce and honey.

Cut their own hair with safety scissors.

Put playdoh in their diapers.

Pee anytime, anywhere; on the doctor in the delivery, room, in front of church, on the baseball field, in the bathroom trash can, in potted plants...

Proclaim it loudly when they notice that someone has a big butt, is a dwarf or an amputee.

Never learn how to put clothes away, replace a roll of toilet paper or throw out empty boxes of snacks.

Text you when you’re in the same room.

Wad up lengths of toilet paper into a loose cannonball, place them in an upended hand dryer nozzle and hit the button.

Place beenie babies on the blades of the ceiling fan and then turn it on high.

Always - ALWAYS - Love you forever.

Text Copyright © 2009 by Linda Marie Ford