Saturday, August 22, 2009

Wow! You Queens Really Had a Lot To Say!

My recent post on discipline sparked more emails from you than any other!

So many of you wanted to hear what other moms had to say about this and I have posted quite a few of the comments here.

There is a blog called Motherlode by Lisa Belkin in the New York Times. Their format is similar to what I've done here with your comments. I would love for you to weigh in here or via email when you have something to say about my Weekly Address. I loved the conversation this week and would really like to keep it up.

Remember, we are all in this together. The mission of the Queendom is to celebrate being the only source of estrogen in our castles and support each other as we face the challenges of raising responsible, respectful men.

Out of all your comments I only received one from a Queen that thought I was a little harsh.

"I'm so glad that you asked for others' opinions regarding the punishment for Prince Christopher. I was planning on writing and giving you my opinion about this, but I wasn't sure until I read your last line where you wanted to know if you did the right thing. Now I absolutely understand your frustrations with having your children lie to you because I feel the same way. And don't you sometimes wonder, "What's the point of this lie?" I mean, it's just maddeing. But in this situation, I truly believe you overreacted. Unless Christopher is a habitual liar, I think it just wasn't worth the time and effort it took in pulilng this off, not to mention pretty much putting a damper on YOUR day. I just hated that it preoccupied your thinking all day. You know what I mean. Don't get me wrong - I think I would have reprimanded him and given him some form of punishment like being in his room or not playing with friends for that day, but it seemed a tad mean-spirited to go to the effort of actually driving to Mickey Dee's and then turn around, and I can tell that you're a loving mom! Honestly, I wouldn't have gone this far. But don't beat yourself up over this. And you may feel that it was the right thing to do in your situation. Sometimes you have to be in the middle of something to truly assess it and just go with your gut. What did your hubby think? I believe it would be a great idea to compile everyon'e opinions on this, and do a follow-up column giving the percentage of "yays" and "nays" on this subject from your readers. And just so you feel better, one day my kids were acting so wild (they're 6 and 8 years old), I told them I would leave! I meant to run and errand and come back while my hubby watched them, just to get out of the house, and they were almost in tears saying, "You're going to leave our family?" Wow, you talk about feeling bad for days! I think sometimes our judgment can be a tad skewed when we are fed up! But Linda, I feel that many readers will agree with you, and I know that John Rosemund, that great columnist on child rearing, would agree! I love his no nonsense approach. For myself, I probably wouldn't have gone this far, but it's no biggie. Sometimes you gotta do things like this to make an impact. I'll guarantee Christopher won't lie about this any time soon! Take care, and keep that column coming." -Queen Sally

Here are the best of the rest. Feel free to weigh in again!

"You are awesome! Hail to the Queen!" -Queen Jocelyn

"I just wanted to let you know that I think your "punishment" and dungeon time was completely right on the money. I tremendously liked the McDonald's trip (will add this to my arsenal!!), and I think that the subsequent sentencing was completely in line. As for you feeling you undid the time with your "caving," I disagree. As a teacher of middle school and a mother of two princes, I fully accept that they don't always come willingly and knowlegeably to the lessons I try so valiantly to instill. Sometimes you must actually lead the horse to the water, even though he is dying of thirst. If the horse drinks it is still a success, even if he was led!! As for the "proud" quip...that's classic. I, too, have a 7 1/2 year old prince, and he all too often is my drama child (I teach theatre, am I surprised??) who seeks attention, reassurance, and is very much the people-pleaser/entertainer.
It's probably rare for you to get such a response to your newsletters, but this one echoed my experiences, and you seemed unsure of yourself in the end. Please be assured that you did everything right (at least from this novice's opinion)...and you are my hero!! Reign on!!" -Queen Teri

"If you're actually looking for opinions on whether or not you did the right thing, my vote is yes. I think the way you handled it will leave a lasting impression on him, especially the McDonald's part! -Queen Carol

"What do I think? You should teach parenting classes. My girlfriend caught her son in a lie when he was about that age and made him choose between forgoing trick-or-treating at Halloween or playing in his championship soccer game (he was a star player). After tortuous consideration, he decided that he couldn’t let his team down so he stayed in his room on October 31st. Like you, she nipped that problem early. Now, I have to add that I’m just as impressed that your son will actually make his own breakfast. My boys will slide into blood sugar crashes before they attempt to fix their own food. -Queen Suzi

Don't second-guess yourself. You handled this better than many other moms would have. Prince Christopher will remember that when he lied to you, he not only got caught, but there were consequences. My princes are going to be 25 and 23 in the next few months. Believe me! The little lies can become bigger lies as they get older. "No, Mom, I didn't have any alcohol tonight." at a time when they were under 21 yeas of age. Luckily, my sons didn't lie when the situation was unethical, immoral or dangerous. They very often came home to tell us that they left their friends because those same buddies were either doing something illegal or getting ready to egg someone's house. Enjoy every moment with your babes. They grow too fast - and then move away! And, before you know it, you will be hearing from them asking for your advice on how to prevent their boys from lying to them!!!" -Queen Beverly

I was just curious how you responded to his question. I would have a very
hard time responding and I think it would really hurt me also. If I had to respond to
something like this, I think it would be something like: This doesn't make me proud,
but I was really trying to make you realize how upset I was that you lied to me to
begin with. I really hope we do not have to go through something like this again, K?
I would rather you be truthful, even if it is gonna get you in trouble, than lie to me
and me find out. That would make me even angrier and hurt in the long run.
Sound reasonable? -Queen Barbara in Washington

You did the right thing! -Queen Cathleen

My middle prince also has issues with finding the truth....but he's 11 and I really think he should know better by now. I haven't found a punishment severe enough yet!
My most recent story though is from my youngest prince of 3 (prince 1 is 14, 2 is 11 and 3 is 8). We started back to school on Monday. It was time for bed on Sunday night and prince 3 says to me, "Mom, wake me up really, really early tomorrow morning.". I think, great - he's really excited for school. It's going to be a great year. I say, "So, prince 3, how early do you want to get up?" Prince 3 rationalizes, "Well, Mom how about 6am?" Hmmm....6am seems very early indeed since his bus doesn't arrive until 8:30 - something else must be up. I say, "Why in the world would you want to get up 2 1/2 hours before your bus arrives?". Prince 3 states as serious as can be, "I need to read the 20 books tomorrow morning for the Summer Reading Challenge.". Ah, my little procrastinator. No Summer Reading Program popcicle party for him! -Queen Carol

You absolutely did the right thing. I would never have thought of the trip to McDonalds. Except you were too nice with the food choices!! I can remember my son "forgot" his lunch one day for school and called me at work to ask for McDonalds. I brought him the bag - but imagine his surprise when he pulled out a salad!! It never happened again!! -Queen Cathy

I've heard time outs are supposed to be one minute per year of age, but, hey, my boys are little barbarians. Maybe 2 1/2 hours in a corner would be beneficial to them. I loved the McDonald's thing! -Queen Chloe

Kudos to the queen! He won’t ever forget that lesson. I believe you did the right thing…Now if only I had your guts…Guess I need to toughen up, great lesson, thanks for sharing! -Queen Karen

Awesome punishment! I especially loved the Mickey D's fakeout. You're a woman after my own heart. -Queen Missy

I think you did well because it was equal to his offense and you connected it to his emotions and yours. I find that time out does wonders for boys. Today I wanted to put my 18 year old on time out away from his new girlfriend. They were holding hands and talking in his pigsty of a bedroom. UGH! She must be in love not to mind those year old piles of dirty tissues, laundry completely covering the floor and empty shipping boxes for every toy he ever received. Queen Jenny J

Now I know why you are Queen! My boys are older now, 18 and 22 - but, boy, I wish I had thought of that McDonalds "drive-thru" when I wanted to make a point with them when they were little! I bow to you...I am not worthy!!! -Queen Donna

I love the McDonald's lie. However, you gave him too nice of a lunch and a snack. I would have only given the prisoner bread and water. HEE HEE. -Queen Sheri Fredericksburg, VA.

That was awesome! I can't wait to use it on my own Princes of Darkness! Queen Cassie

Reign on My Majesties!
Queen Linda

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I have five royal subjects and I loved this story. I saved it so I can use it myself in the's BRILLIANT!