Friday, January 15, 2010

The Tao of Duh

You’ve probably heard of The Tao of Steve (Fat guy’s spiritual rules to get chicks. Uh, no) or The Tao of Pooh (Required college reading. Uh, yes) Well let me introduce you to the mystical philosophy I have created based on life with boys.

The Tao of Duh.

The word Tao is used to signify the true nature of the world, so says Wikipedia. Neither Tao or its principles can ever be adequately expressed in words. Oh, but let me try.

This morning Prince Christopher, 8, decided to ‘help’ me out with my first caffeine hit of the day. I have one of those single cup, pod coffee makers. I have no idea why. What I really need is a tureen of java or a caffeine patch to jump start the day. I put in the water, pod and pushed the red button to warm up the water. Here comes Mr. Helper. “Mom, can I push the button?” Now I have my head in the freezer trying to find something to defrost for dinner. “Sure, its the one with the picture of the coffee cup on it.” “The one with the picture of the coffee cup. Ok,” he says. I’m still, literally, halfway in the freezer. Since the boys go through food like a pack of savage coyotes we have one of those big coffin freezers. As I grab the Sam’s size bag of tenderloins that I know won’t defrost by 6 (But I can leave pork on the counter, can’t I? Ooh, I live on the edge!) I hear a muffled, “We have a problem here!”

Barista Boy had looked at the coffee maker, pushed the button and watched my Drink of the Gods run all over the counter. Why? Because he didn’t put a coffee cup under the spout! DUH! His defense that I didn’t tell him to put a cup there won’t hold water, or coffee for that matter.

Again, DUH!

Tenets of the Tao of Duh abound.

You left empty snack boxes in the pantry so I figured we had tons and now you are whining for chips? DUH!

You can’t find your coat? Look down dear, you’re standing on it. DUH!

You shoved four pairs of dirty uniform pants under your desk and want to know why you can’t find a clean pair to wear to school? DUH!

You left wet towels on your bed and now want to know why your pillow smells funny? DUH!

Wiki also says there is “ultimate uselessness of trying to understand Tao.” Can I get an Amen? I’ll never understand why boys do what they do.

So gather round all ye observers of the Tao of Duh. I’m passing the collection basket. Toss in a few Starbucks gift cards and praise the boy!

Reign On!

Queen Linda

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I thought that I was exempt from the Tao of Duh, at least temporarily, simply because my boys are so young (my oldest is 4 yo), but alas, I was mistaken. Tonight, my darling 4 yo "prince", who has just recently discovered this "skill," decided that he should lock the bathroom door on his way OUT of the room and then firmly close the door behind him. Mind you, he was in MY bathroom! And I'm pregnant, so the prospect of being without a bathroom overnight is unacceptable! His innocent confusion at my fury was less than charming. After dismantling and removing the door handle, I was able to get the door open (my good king was not home to do his manly duty in this crisis). However, the door handle is staying OFF so as to prevent further such catastrophes. So I guess my days of closing and locking the bathroom door in order to find a moment's peace are over.