Friday, January 29, 2010

My Carnivores

Every time, the script is the same.

“Boys, I’m going to Tom Thumb. Is there anything you need me to get?”


There’s food in the house. They just don’t want to eat the food that is in the house. They want Burger House.

For those of you who don’t have boys, imagine having a hungry pet velociraptor. Or two. Or in my case three.

While pondering ways to procure and stockpile protein, I decided think outside the box, Well, really, outside the house.

I missed a great opportunity last year. My brother called to report that he had hit a deer and totaled his car. “Are you okay?” I frantically asked.


“Please tell me the kids weren’t in the car.”

“They were but they didn’t even wake up when Daddy screamed like a little girl.”

“What about the deer?”

“That thing flew across three lanes of traffic like Blitzen on crack.”

My mistake was that I didn’t get to make Bambi’s demise into Venison Surprise. I mean, them’s good eats, you can’t let things go to waste. And I could have given everybody backstrap for Christmas that year.

Yesterday I came across a website that had an article from Wilderness Way magazine. Author T. R. Zimmerman sings the gastronomical praises of the lowly June Bug. Evidently these summertime pests are chock full of edible fats and proteins. Who knew?

Zimmerman reports that, “When toasted in hot ashes, the internal body parts and juices of the bug congeal into a nugget of pure golden nutrition. After peeling off shriveled legs, wings, and wing case, the remaining orb of nourishment can be eaten one at a time or by the handful.” He goes on to insist that it is hard to eat just one.

Forget beef bourguignon, I’m going to create June Bug-a-boo.

The only problem is that June Bug Season is at least four months away. Until then I guess the next best thing is to try to catch that coyote that keeps hanging around in my front yard.

Jackal jerky anyone?

Reign On!

Queen Linda

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